Crying over pudding

Yes, you read the title correctly - I actually starting crying over pudding.  Specifically, over the flavor.  An explanation is necessary, I agree.

Madilyn is home from school sick today, and has been hanging out in bed.  I asked her if she wanted a pudding cup, and she enthusiastically agreed.  I went to find a chocolate pudding - her favorite.  When I checked the pantry, we were all out of chocolate, and only had vanilla.  I brought her one, and asked her if that was OK.  She said "Sure, Mom.  I like vanilla," and took it without a second thought.

I actually teared up at this point.  She looked at me like I was nuts (and rightly so).  "Mom, are you crying?" she asked.

I explained that I was just so grateful that I didn't have to go through the 15 minutes of yelling, blaming, and calming down that I would have had to handle if it had been her sister not getting her desired flavor of pudding.

When I shared this experience with my therapist, she commented how similar my responses are to those of an abused spouse - always anticipating a blowup, waiting for the next trigger, etc.  Wow.  That really caught my attention, because there's some truth in that.  I don't like to admit it, but the kid does make me cower sometimes, and really does drive our interactions.

Now the challenge is to take that knowledge, and use it to improve things.  I may not be able to change Sarah, but I sure can change how I react to her.  Again I say it - parenting is tough.