Say What??

Madilyn had Girl Scouts last Tuesday, with one of the other moms substituting for one of the normal troop leaders. Sarah and I were at the school also, putting up artwork in the front showcase. As usual, Sarah got away from me, and headed over to where the Girl Scouts were wrapping up their activity. When I caught up with her, she was at the refreshment table, looking for a handout (typical!).

I introduced myself to the substitute leader as Madilyn's mom. After some pleasantries, she asked "Does your daughter have an autism diagnosis?"

Surprised, I replied that yes, she did.

"I thought so," replied the woman. "I have a 14 year old son with high functioning autism (aka Aspergers), and I recognized a lot of Madilyn's behaviors during our activity."

What??? Stop the train! "No, Sarah has autism... not Madilyn," I replied.

"What? Really? Oh. Well. Are you sure about Madilyn?"

"Yes, I'm sure," I said, starting to doubt myself. "What behaviors did you see?"

She went on to say that Madilyn has definite ideas about how things need to be done and about right and wrong. She was very involved in making sure that the other girls did things correctly and followed the rules, and seemed overly grown-up in the way that she dealt with things. The leader then concluded with "things are very black and white for her. There's really no gray area."

We chatted some more, and I told her that I believed that Madilyn's behaviors were more a product of living with someone with moderate/severe autism than a reflection of her own state of mind. After all, that's all Madilyn's ever known, and her social skills have developed in that environment. In our house, there really isn't any gray. We don't joke or kid around much, because Sarah takes everything so literally and gets so upset about things.

I haven't been able to accurately recreate the conversation - it really was more conversational than confrontational... but it was eye-opening. After coming home and thinking about it, I realized two things. First, that Sarah has a much greater effect on the entire household than I had ever realized. I haven't yet decided if that merits intervention or not.

Second, the gut-wrenching feeling that I experienced at the thought of Madilyn having autism was directly tied to how I see the condition... someone who will never live independently, get married, have a family, etc. But that's only Sarah's version of autism, and autism is different for everyone.

Even if Madilyn did fit the criteria (and I don't think she does), it's not a big deal. She IS going to be independent, have relationships, and live a full life, and that's what's important. She might be quirky and slightly OCD... but she could have gotten that from her mother just as easily as from her sister!

Anyway, the above is just another confirmation that I did a great job of naming my blog. It's my life! Welcome to it.