Nine Words Women Use

Received this today. ROFL! so true. Sent to my husband with the instruction "read and memorize. "

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
8. Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

A Bright Moment

So a lady working in Subway today made my day. She was sitting at one of the tables with a clipboard and lots of papers strewn around. Because it was the lunch hour, there was a line waiting to order.

She looked up as I entered and got into line, then stood up and came over to me with her clipboard. She told me she worked for Subway and was doing a survey, and would I like to answer a few questions to get a free sub. Skeptical, but always interested in a free lunch, I agreed.

Her first question was "Are you between the ages of 18 and 34?".

HA HA HA! "Nope," I answered.

She looked at me in embarrassment, and said "OH! I'm sorry. I'm only looking for people in the 18 to 34 year old age bracket. I've already reached my quota on other ages, so I can't use you. I'm sorry."

"Oh, OK, " was my response, but inside I was thinking...

SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WAS CLOSE TO 34!!!!

Shaving 10 years off my age is way better than a free lunch, any day!

Crushing, hard

So I'm totally in love, and crushing, hard.

My new guy goes with me everywhere, tells me what to do, and helps me do it. He's become my constant companion, and I feel lost without him. I can't even remember what life was like before he came into my life. If I ever lost him, I'd be heartbroken.

Ahhh. My iPhone.

This morning I checked my email, Facebook, reviewed my calendar for the day, created a to-do list, and read my scriptures, all without ever leaving my warm, fluffy, flannel-sheeted bed.

Almost makes waking up worthwhile.

iGot it!

Pigs are flying and Satan is ice skating...

I have an iPhone!

Don't plan on talking to me for the next week, 'cause I'm going to be one of those annoying people who pay more attention to their phone than life around them.

YAY!

Fall... stolen

Here's a mini rant on the fact that I have been ROBBED of my fall! Seriously, September was in the 80's, warmer than most of the crazy summer, making it miserable for the kids going back to (the non-air-conditioned) school. Our apple picking session, normally the last weekend in September, would have been more comfortable with short sleeves and maybe even shorts.

I was dealing with all of that, figuring that I would get my weeks of beautiful fall foliage, 50-60 degree temps... and then I woke up Saturday and saw this.

I know this is Minnesota and all, but people... it didn't go away until late in the afternoon! On Sunday night, we actually had an accumulation, that is still on the ground on Tuesday. There is a SNOWMAN on my front lawn! In early OCTOBER! grrrrrr.....

I walked Madilyn to school in a significant snowstorm on Monday, and muttered and grumbled as I arrived home drenched from the wet, sticky stuff. IF I knew that the snow would stick around long enough and thick enough to be groomed for skiing, I could have been appeased, but this is just... wrong.

I was robbed. Where is my autumn????

The newest Poulsen!

Welcome to Marbles, the latest addition to our family! Apparently, I was killing off fish too quickly, and my friend Ann took pity on my children and offered us their rabbit. Thinking perhaps, that warm blooded mammals are harder to kill than cold blooded vertebrates??? Sheesh, I sure hope she's right! This one might be hard to flush... (ugh)

My friend Kate is not so sure; she's sticking by the "Toxic Girl" nickname that I earned during the fish debacle. I hope to prove her wrong... and hey, they didn't all die... just 9 out of 11. Okay, that's a 81% mortality rate, but still. The remaining two have survived for 45 days.

Back to the bunny. Marbles is a very healthy sized English Spot rabbit; she's larger than most cats. (For reference, the arm of the couch is 9 1/2" tall). She's been with us for about a week on a trial basis, and we've officially confirmed that she can stay. Despite the fact that she has a lot more personality than goldfish, Sarah remains attached to Goldie and Nemo. So, Marbles has become known as Madilyn's rabbit. Fine by me, since she feels ownership for the food and litter box as well! We'll see how long that lasts...

Here's a picture of her, with all her rabbitude...

And no, Marbles can't shoot laser beams from her eyes. That would be cool, though.

A Trip to the Principal's Office

So... the three of us are driving home from picking up Sarah after her "hang out and do stuff" club at school, and she announces that she was sent to the principal's office today. What??? Here's a rough transcript:

S: "I had to go to the principal's office today. I was very bad."

L: "Really? What did you do?"

S: "I spit."

L: "You spit? Why did you spit?"

S: "I spit on the floor."

L: "Well, that's not OK. But WHY did you spit? What happened?"

S: silence. "I was bad."

L: "What made you spit?"

S: "I spit."

L: giving up on trying to figure out "why", because I NEVER get an answer on that one... "What happened when you went to the principal's office? What did he say?"

S: "I shouldn't spit." (OK, I guess I should have seen that one coming)

L: "Do you have a punishment? What happens next?"

S:"I won't spit on the floor anymore."

L: "Well, that's good. But there must be consequences. What do you think your punishment should be?" (Now, at this point, I'm not willing to commit to anything, because I don't even know if this story is even true. My girl has a hazy line between fiction and reality...)

S: "I do not know." (Default answer for anything she doesn't want to answer. Again, could have seen that one coming...)

L: "Well, I'm going to have to think about this, and we'll decide your punishment later." (At this point, I'm thinking... I'm SO going to open her backpack the minute we get home and verify all of this...)

Long story short, I couldn't find confirmation of this incident anywhere in her bag, nor online (all school records are online), but Sarah and I decided that no TV the next day would be an appropriate punishment.

I emailed her teacher, who then related the true story... Sarah didn't spit on the floor, she spit on another student! (no reason, no provocation). Then, after announcing that she was bad, she spit on the floor. She declared to the teacher that she was very naughty, and insisted that she had to go to the principal's office. Apparently, all of the staff were trying to keep a straight face as Sarah wailed about how naughty she was. She actually broke into tears on the way down to the principal's office, and her para turned her around to bring her back to the classroom (boo). Her teacher said, "Nope. She needs to go." and marched her down there (YAY!). So, Dr. Schmidt got a chance to lecture Sarah on not spitting, and she was free to go.

Sigh. What a drama queen. I have no doubt that this was all orchestrated by her, and I'm left with the question that always goes unanswered....WHY??