Twisted, Confused, and Completely Lacking Credibility

At my recent physical, I learned quite a bit about myself.

First off, I am (physically) twisted. Not withstanding my mental status (see item 2), I'm a wreck. After telling my doc that I felt "out of sorts" and "not aligned", she referred me to a physical therapist. The therapist, whom I love, declared that I resemble someone cut in half and reassembled by a drunken magician. Apparently, my hips point in one direction, and my upper torso in the opposite... which explains the 7 months of pain in my glute, and my bum knee. So I'm doing some pretty bizarre exercises to "balance" me out, and I go once a week for therapy. I swear I will end up with my left arm longer than my right with how hard they pull on it, but for now, I have faith that I will eventually straighten out.

Secondly, my mental status, or lack of coherent thought. This has been a big problem lately. I am simply in a deep fog... I just sit around (see previous post regarding "potato" status). Anyway, this, combined with my persistent lack of weight loss, has led my doctor to suspect insulin resistance (or pre-diabetes). So now I'm taking metformin to help my body properly use glucose. She started me out on a very low dose to minimize side effects, so it will take a while to know if this is a successful treatment.

And finally, and most depressingly, I've learned that I am indeed, perimenopausal. So the rollercoaster ride of hormones has begun... leading to the loss of all credibility with my husband. After all, if I have a complaint, it's a lot easier to blame the hormones...

So, as I stated... I'm twisted, confused, and completely lacking credibility. Gotta love it.

Morning Manipulation

It's Friday morning, and both kids need a bath before school. This announcement is met with groans and moans.

Sarah opens the volley by telling her sister "You go first."

"No, you go!" Madilyn responds.

"I do not want to go."

At this point, I declare "Someone's got to go. I'm going upstairs right now to start the bath."

As I turn and begin climbing the stairs, I hear Sarah say "I'll go first."

Madilyn quickly responds with "NO! I'll go first. Mom! I'm coming!!" and passes me running up the stairs.

I turn around to see Sarah settle back into her chair with a small smile and quietly say to herself "OK, I'll stay here."

This might sound like a fairly commonplace sibling exchange, but that is EXACTLY the point! And even if it makes me a bad parent, I am proud of my oldest for shamelessly manipulating her younger sister.

Pure Potato

Sarah was home from school with a purported stomach ache... Since I was feeling equally nauseated, I laid on the couch while she sat in the chair and watched TV.

I awakened to a figure standing over me, declaring:

You. Are. A. Couch. Potato!

Perhaps you have to know her, but it was pretty hilarious... after the annoyance of a nap interrupted faded.

Tonawanda? Whatever.

Tonawanda, New York.

That's my husband's new assignment, to handle capital equipment installations in the Tonawanda facility. I was actually a little bit excited when he told me the project there is a lot smaller and won't take up as much of his time, and he wouldn't need to travel there every week. Then I realized the catch... he never said he was taken off the Alexandria assignment.

And he wasn't. Now he has two facilities for which he is responsible. So if he's not in New York, he's upstate. Bottom line - he's not at home.

I am grateful he has a job.
I am grateful he has a job.
I am grateful he has a job.
Repeat ad nauseum.

Grumpy, Grumpy, Grumpy

I am not dead.

There are days when I wish I was, but I am still among the living. I have been in a very grumpy rut lately, and every post that I write ends up sounding bitter and snarky... not something that I want to put out there for all to see. I'm lost without a BFF, and my head has not been a very pleasant place to be for the past few months. I'm hopeful that spring will help me turn things around. Gary's advice: I need to get a best friend.

Well, thanks. Unfortunately, I've lost the directions to the BFF store and so I haven't been able to run out and pick one up. Maybe if I google it...

I have a huge backlog of postings to put out there, and I will. Soon. But, since it's supposed to rain all week (increasing my grumpiness), maybe not that soon.

Strange but true...

Mini miracle: I did laundry today (no, that's not the miracle) and, after transferring the clothes to the dryer, I saw a round black thing at the bottom of the washer tub. Thinking it was a button or something, I reached in and grabbed it.

It was a blueberry! Unsquashed! After a full load of laundry! Probably the cleanest berry ever known to man, and I threw it in the trash. Seriously - what kind of mutant blueberry makes it though an entire wash load without getting smooshed? Anyway, knowing how hard blueberry stains are to remove, I consider this my personal miracle for the day.

PS - anyone with children knows that it is futile to wonder how a blueberry got in the laundry in the first place. Remember, I am the mother of a child who required surgical removal of a pinto bean from their nostril after pretending to be an elephant.

ABC's of Me

I just completed this on Facebook, and thought I'd post it here for posterity. That assumes, of course, that it is worth remembering... Anyway, if you're on facebook, friend me! I don't have enough self-confidence to send out friend requests.

A - Age: 43

B - Bed size: California King. Do you know how hard it is to find sheets that fit, now that I no longer live out west?

C - Chore you hate: Washing the floor. I don't know why, but I really hate this one. Not that it seems useless, but it just doesn't last.

D - Dog's name: No dog. No cat, either. No non-human moving creatures whatsoever, unless you count the dust bunnies under the furniture. They move, but I haven't named them.

E - Essential start to your day item: Wii. If I don't check in with my little Wii Fit balance board buddy, I feel like I've cheated for the rest of the day.

F - Favorite color: Peanut butter brown (in my house) and blue (clothing only - hate it in my decor, except on my beloved 18 year old blue couches, which are so comfy that I love them in spite of their color)

G - Gold or Silver: Silver

H - Height: 5' 7"

I - Instruments you play(ed): clarinet, for 6 years. Say what you will, but yes, I was a band, marching band, and orchestra geek. I've always wanted to learn the piano, but haven't yet pursued that dream.

J - Job title: Stay-at-home-Mom

K - Kid(s): Sarah (12), Madilyn (7), Gary (43)

L - Living arrangements: Married and living in a split level house whose design and decor completely avoid reflecting my personality and tastes.

M - Mom's name: Mary Lou (or "Lou") but I've only ever called her that in a crowded room to get her attention. Ever tried calling out "MOM!" in a room full of ladies? Right.

N - Nicknames: None that I want to admit to. Ever. There are probably a few used behind my back, as well... I did teach teens for more than a few years...

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: 2008 heart attack scare, which thankfully just turned out to be stress.

P - Pet Peeve: People who believe that the rules only apply to everyone else.

Q - Quote from a movie: "Inconceivable!" "You keep 'a using that word. I do not think it 'a means what you think it 'a means." Wallace Shawn as Vizzini and Mandy Patinkin as Inigo Montoya in Princess Bride

R - Right or left handed: Right

S - Siblings: 1 younger sister (seester!)

T - Time you wake up: Alarm goes off at 4:50 am. I have recently set a goal of being a "one slap only" snoozer. I have a love/hate relationship with the snooze button. I love it when I am half-awake, and hate its very existence an hour later when I am running late from using it too much.

U- Underwear: Yes. Without question.

V - Vegetable you dislike: Brussels Sprouts. Who likes those things, anyway? Aren't they just the weeds of the vegetable world?

W - Ways you run late: I'm usually on time, but we do rush to make it that way, and the rushing can always, always, always be traced back to the computer, one way or another.

X - X-rays you've had: Can't think of x-rays, but I have had MRI and CT scans of my head in the past few years. Amazingly, everything is normal between my ears... at least as far as the medical profession defines it.

Y - Yummy food you make: No one raves about my cooking, except perhaps to rave that I actually cooked something. Absolute favorite dish (when prepared by someone else): Chicken Korma.

Z - Zoo favorite: Pandas. Their primary activities in life are eating and sleeping, and they look adorable doing them. What's not to emulate?